I returned to the office this morning with a palpable mix of resentment, trepidation, and resolve. I have worked in the same role, as a founding member of BPA’s Privacy Program, for nearly 5½ years, consulting on privacy law, developing policy, creating procedures, educating on risks and requirements, etc. I have been a contractor for the duration of my tenure at the agency, and it’s through that hazy, deferential lens I continue to watch my Federal counterparts advance and promote in their careers, thus giving rise to my ever increasing resentment.

It is undeniably puzzling and infuriating that after “paying my dues” for these several years, having equal to or more education than my colleagues, and (in many instances) superior qualifications next to those same colleagues, I still have not earned access to equal opportunity in professional development. As the rage smolders and seethes beneath a thin mask of work-place composure, my trepidation grows over the inevitability of its reveal. I will not be able to conceal my exasperation forever.

Until then, I have resolved to focus on the many interim financial goals this job continues to enable me to achieve (like kicking hundreds of debt-dollars to the curb every month, making chic home improvements, and indulging in occasional travel, among others). I remind myself of the low-stress, flexible nature of the work, and I genuinely try to appreciate the many intangible positives of gainful employment (like a sense of accomplishment, at least some days, and structure. And as one co-worker admitted, “I need work because it cuts into my drinking time.” Yep, I can relate.). Okay, back to reading the news and perusing my favorite design blogs. It’s going to be a long Monday.